Deepavali. Crackers. Fireworks.

From time immemorial – I mean circa mid-1990 CE of course – a propaganda against crackers (aka fireworks or pattasu, or as true bloods of Chennai say – dabbas) has been going around. Initially it was all about child labour and then it moved on to pollution and by the time it was 2014 CE, people started questioning whether it is mentioned in the scriptures etc.

The Crackerbans (see how I made those wanting a ban on crackers sounds like Talibans) who want a ban on crackers, talk about air pollution, noise pollution, the suffering of animals etc. Ardent defenders of bursting crackers quote a gazillion hymns and shlokas that have references to crackers and they also quote ancient books written circa 4^th Century CE as well. And then they always highlight the aspect of all such queries coming up only about rituals and practices related to Hindu festivals.

Let me also pitch in with my 10 paise in this debate.

You see, Deepavali is one Hindu festival wherein the religious element is quite less. As in, there is no elaborate poojai to be performed. The only possible stringent rule is that of taking an oil bath at 5 AM (or even earlier according to some) and then wearing new clothes. There is no rule for the neiyvedhiyam to be offered – any sweet and any snack is permitted. In any number of varieties; in any quantity. And therein lies the catch.

You are starting the day at an obscene time of 5 AM. And have an oil bath. This naturally invigorates you and what you see in front of you are a wide range of sweets and snacks. You start consuming them in excess. And you consume some more. And some more afterwards. So, basically, you have now consumed a high quantity of sugar and salt, and this in effect is a lot energy which has to be exhausted.

What can you do now? It is usually the winter season in North India and the rainy season in most parts of South India. The avenues to do physical work are reduced. And this is why the ancient folks created this activity of bursting crackers. To burst crackers, you have to bend down and up. You also have to move quickly after igniting the “thiri” (wick). You feel elated when the cracker works as expected. All this helps you burn the calories you have consumed.

Now comes the other important reason. As the earlier ramblings mentioned, you have consumed too much of high calorie food; Lots of oily items as well. Having consumed lots of sweets and savouries also gives you this satiated feeling, and due to weather conditions, you don’t drink that much water. In this scenario, it is but natural, that one starts developing flatulence inside their digestive tract.

Your gut is working the back channel to let this gas out of the body. It is also well known that the smell of the output is inversely proportional to the noise of the output. You can let go some gas quietly, it will clearly make it uncomfortable for all in the room; in fact, you even have to act as if you smell something and yet not be the first one to do so. To avoid all this drama, the better option is to let it out loudly. But this then takes the secrecy out of the equation. And the society is still not evolved to accept a loud fart as a socially acceptable bodily function; even within families to an extent.

This is why the elders devised this strategic method of bursting crackers. Imagine the same situation detailed above and there is a 1000-wala being burst by your neighbour. You can actually sync up your loud output to that sound and none would be the wiser; except you of course. And over the years of growing, you would be easily able to sync up your efforts with those bursting crackers in the next street as well.

So, you Crackerbans, please first fight for the rights of humans to fart in public and we will then think about not bursting crackers.

Movie review of PK – It is just PuKe

I happened to watch the movie PK last weekend and with the entire buzz that the movie is generating, I thought I should add my 10 paise with this review. The post is rather long and is more than just a review; it is almost a scene-by-scene narration; enough reason why I can never be a proper film critic. I was watching a Hindi movie on the big screen after many years and realized that maybe that was a statistic that needn’t have been corrected.

Word on one side of the street is that the movie is awesome, with phenomenal acting by Aamir Khan. Word on the right side of that same street is that the movie denigrates Hindus. For once, I don’t think the right side is wrong in feeling offended with what was shown on screen.

Before I get into the bad aspects of the movie, let me admit that the first one hour of the movie is really funny. Come on – when you see a guy pull out a pyjama stuck between the ass cheeks of another man, anyone will laugh. And when the former tries to put back the jammies to the same place where it resided earlier, anyone will be ROFL. If you didn’t laugh, maybe there is something up your ass.

Funny as that scene may have been, what it really means in the context of the movie is how the movie managed to ridicule my belief system and shoved it up my ass with the makers and watchers enjoying the pain.

Now, before I get into how the movie mocked everything that Hindus do, I will first describe why I think this was a badly made movie. That way, hopefully, you will realize why the movie is bad by itself in the first place and then understand how bad it shows the Hindu way of worship.

So, according to the plot, PK is this alien from another planet where the living beings are exactly like the humans on planet Earth. On landing here to research the human race, the alien is instantly robbed and loses his transmitter/locator: ergo he can’t contact his space ship and reach home. What complicates things is that this alien cannot talk because in his planet, everyone communicates by telepathy. The alien also conveys later in the movie that because they communicate by telepathy, they don’t have to speak verbally. Therefore they also don’t lie to each other like humans do – think something and say/act otherwise.

Later on, this alien says that by holding hands of any human being, it will be able to leverage the same teleconnection power and pick up the language skill needed to communicate with the human beings on Earth. With the help of a good Samaritan (sic) portrayed by Sanjay Dutt (ostensibly during one of the many Leave days he gets in Prison – probably more than what Corporates give to employees) the alien connects with a hooker and after 6 hours, of just holding hands, it becomes an expert in Bhojpuri.

Now get this, the alien also picks up one habit of the hooker, which is eating paan. Somehow, of all the knowledge that the hooker has in her brain, the alien is able to pick up just the Bhojpuri vocabulary and the habit of eating paan.

The alien then tells Sanjay Dutt about how someone robbed him and is then advised to go to Delhi in search of the thief and remote. In Delhi, the alien now goes around asking all and sundry about the thief and remote. The irked people either ask the alien if he is drunk (hence the alien now calls himself PK) or keep stressing that only God can help him.

I will now break for some doubts:

Doubt#01: After the alien picks up local vocabulary can’t he understand what “peekay” means? So why should he call himself PK? Couldn’t he tell the humans what his name is? Does he have no name in that planet?

Doubt#02: Typically all life forms undergo evolution. It is safe to assume that even PK’s life form has a similar experience. So in a planet where all life forms communicate to each other through telepathy, wouldn’t it be a natural evolutionary process to lose your voice box? Then, how come PK is suddenly able to speak on planet Earth?

Doubt#03: Then the whole “hold hands” for data transfer aspect. While it may be possible for that mode of communication in their planet, how would it work here?

Doubt#04: As mentioned earlier, how come the alien is able to pick up more than just language – he picks up paan eating habit. Why not other habits? Or thoughts?

We now return to the main show.

Now that PK has been told that only God can help him, he now seeks God. He visits a temple and buys an idol from the shop outside. He realizes that the idol is not God and then questions it to the shopkeeper. Thereafter he goes around from temple to church and also attempts an entry into a mosque.

He obviously doesn’t get the answer he wants and comes to the conclusion that there is a lot of hocus pocus going around. All this information is actually shared by PK to a TV reporter who sees the possibility of a story with this person. However, when he talks about him being an alien she doesn’t really believe him and stops listening to his story. When taking leave she suddenly hears him refer to something she hasn’t told him and is now intrigued.

She takes him along and instantly, they are encountered by an old man asking for alms. PK gives some cash and then gives him a separate note asking him to use it for tips. Basically, with the old man holding PK’s hands and asking for alms, PK is able to understand what the old man is up to. He then moves out and the reporter goes to check what the old man is doing. She sees that PK’s assessment was correct. Instantly, she goes after PK and tells him that she will help him.

Doubt#05: How did this reporter not really bother to think that the entire old man sequence was a setup and simply buys what was played out in front of her?

Doubt#06: PK keeps picking up cash from Dancing cars – when couples are doing it in a car, he just sneaks up and picks the cash from their clothes. That is basically stealing. So apparently, in his home planet, people don’t lie but are not averse to stealing. Nice!

Meanwhile PK is still hunting for his remote and when he walks into an idol making workshop by chance, he makes an earnest plea to God to help him go back. He then goes around town printing posters that say that God is missing. He comes across Lord Shiva (someone dressed in that form for a local play) and confronts him. After chasing him around, PK now enters a congregation run by some Godman.

The Godman has hordes of followers and is propagating his request to build a new temple for Lord Shiva. That request he explains, is because he came across a rare gem in the Himalayas and then shows it to the gathering. PK takes a look and lo behold, that gem is the remote that he is looking for. He asks the Godman to give it but is obviously chased away.

The reporter, Jagat Janani played by Anushka Kohli Sharma, now takes him along to the ashram to confront the Godman. She goads PK to bombard the Godman with all the questions he came up with while trying to understand God. He does that dutifully and the Godman is at unease. JJ then starts filming the interaction surreptitiously to use it for her news report.

JJ then conceives a plan for a show on TV where people can call up a number and tell the channel about all the “wrong number” things happening with their religion. People call up a lot and the program is a big hit. But JJ’s father, who is a big bhakt of the Godman, disowns her and she is upset. They even try to get Daddy dearest on their side with some experiment, but he clearly aint budging.

JJ and PK start living in the same flat and go to office on her bike, visit all tourist places around Delhi. Suddenly, PK is now attracted to JJ and falls in love with her. He also finds out that she was in love with someone and that didn’t work out; all this again by holding her hands for a few minutes. By now, the Godman is upset that his business is down and so a challenge is thrown to PK – confront me on Live TV and we will see who is correct.

Doubt#06: So, PK who first says that holding hands helps him pick up a language, is now able to read thoughts as well. So wouldn’t he also have the thoughts of a hooker in his head?

Before the show begins, PK’s long lost friend Sanjay Dutt calls him to say that he is visiting him with the thief who sold his remote to the Godman. But when the train arrives at the station, there is a bomb blast and PK’s friend and the thief die. PK is shaken up and arrives at the show in a sedate state.

The Godman and PK argue about this and that, watched by a live audience in the studio and countless people outside. PK then drags JJ into the discussion and asks her to narrate how the Godman had ruined her love life, by predicting something about her Pakistani lover while studying college in Belgium. So on Live TV, her love story is narrated and everyone gets to know that on the day she and her Paki lover intended to marry (in a church btw), he didn’t show up. She assumed that he abandoned her and got on with her life.

PK then says that maybe he didn’t abandon her and it was a case of mistaken identity. There was another wedding at the same time and a message meant for the other bride was wrongly handed to JJ and then life took a different route. JJ now sees that possibility and after being encouraged by PK, her TV show producer and stage audience, she calls up the Pak embassy in Belgium.

Doubt#06: This is another example of how bad a journalist can be – she is one who just reacts to what is seen and doesn’t bother to dig deeper.

Now the kind folks at the Pak embassy instantly recognize the JJ has called, conference her Paki lover in Pak and with everyone listening in now, JJ and her lover reunite. The Godman accepts defeat and the remote is handed back to PK.

The movie then pans out to PK going back to the place where he landed and JJ somehow finds out PK is in love with her. But when she questions him indirectly, he lies and she writes in her book, that PK came to Earth with his great thoughts and took our one bad habit that he didn’t have (not eating “paan”, but lying).We get to the end of the movie and there is a blink and you miss appearance by Ranbhir Kapoor.

This completes my movie narration and with some of the Doubts inserted you will see the problems I have with the movie:

1. I haven’t seen a more poorly etched role like that of JJ – a journalist who just cannot ask questions
2. If the Godman indeed predicted that JJ’s lover would ditch her and it did happen, doesn’t that mean that he has powers? Why would you still want to disprove him? Why didn’t you use the same logic with the alien?
3. The alien PK - while Aamir did act well, the character actually didn’t seem to want to go home. The focus was more on helping Earthlings than his need to head home.
4. Also on the acting front – all he did was appear open-eyed. One can convey many emotions by opening your eyes. Anger and Confusion are two such things I can think of easily – but all that he shows is stupidity; which is good, but not necessarily great acting.
5. How did this alien who hadn’t come across the concept of God in his home planet, suddenly start making earnest pleas to the idols – I am sure fans of Aamir are touched by his acting in that scene, but it didn’t suit the character.
6. Basically, the movie didn’t require PK to be an alien. The plot was basically about fish-out-of-water situation and even a regular human being, with possibly amnesia, would have been a better fit.
7. Also, not just the journalist, somehow nobody in the movie seemed to bother about who PK was. Everyone just “accepted” him as is. Even the Godman who was being hounded by this guy, whose business empire was being shattered by this guy, didn’t bother to find out where PK came from.
8. So, you may have laughed a lot, found some funny scenes, seen some decent acting and even heard some questions on religion that you have in mind and are afraid to ask; therefore, you may have come to the conclusion that this was a great movie. However, it was a badly scripted one due to some basic loopholes that I have listed. Let me score some brownie points with Aamir fans and say that I am not complaining about his acting; just that he has starred in a bad movie.
9. But then, should we blame just the Director because the movie was bad? Should we then credit the Directors for all the good movies of Aamir?
10. If the movie didn’t have the pretension of being different and conveying a strong message, I would have ignored all these things. But I get nit-picky simply because it is being hailed as a very great movie.
11. Also, this movie inherits basic concepts and steals scenes primarily from K-PAX, Avatar, Oh My God and Lage Raho Munnabhai.

Now to phase 2 of the review/narration where I try to prove how Hinduism has been ridiculed in the movie.

In the entire movie, you can only see PK making fun of the Hindu way of worship, primarily idol worship. He asks why we have so many Gods. And if you really look at the core sub-plot of PK trying to retrieve the remote from the Godman, he doesn’t really engage in any activity that proves that the Godman is a con. He still questions why God makes you undergo suffering? He asks why God asks you to come to some distant temple.

All the comedy pieces are set only in temples. There is a shot of him going to a church with Hindu based offerings and there, he questions the Christian concept of God and Jesus. Fair deal. But, how come the movie doesn’t show him go to a mosque? They only show a quick shot of him going to a mosque with bottles of wine and he is stopped in the road itself. Chased subsequently, like many other places. So the token references to Christianity and fleeting reference to Islam is done. But the movie can spend about 2 hours focussing on Hinduism? That pretty much defines secularism in India.  

During the whole “wrong number” montages, there is another reference to Christian conversions. But there is nothing really talked about Islamic terror or oppression, other than a one-liner from a girl in burqa wanting to study. But the montage contains many references to the bad elements of Hinduism. Why this discrimination?

When PK goes about sticking posters that God is missing – why didn’t he post anything about Jesus missing or Mohammed missing? Did he already grasp the difference between God and prophet? If he was smart enough to get that, why couldn’t he understand what was going on with Hinduism?

There is also this long drawn scene where he confronts a guy dressed up as Lord Shiva. PK corners him in a public loo and then chases him all over. Which is how he meets the Godman and so as a lead-up to that scene, this may be ok. But do you really have to show Lord Shiva in such poor light? In fact, that actor is supposed to make an entry on stage in some drama and we hear a lady announce that the might Lord Shiva will appear now. We then see Lord Shiva shouting for help, tripping all over the place and run like crazy. Yes it was a funny scene for a 5 year old that has seen similar things in cartoons. Should Lord Shiva be made a caricature on big screen?

Even in the Dravidar Kazhagam School of film making, epitomized in Parasakthi, the protagonist at least mouths powerful dialogues about how he attacked priests in temple, only because he didn’t want the temple to be the residing place of scoundrels. Yes, it was an attack on the Brahmins and priests, but at least, they stuck to the theme of attacking a villainous priest in the movie.

Similarly, in PK, the movie could have actually gone to length to show what a big fraud the Godman was. That wouldn’t have really ruffled feathers and I would have really ignored all the other goof-ups and said this movie rocks. But when you go about calling yourself the epitome of perfection with your movies and make insensitive references to the philosophies of one religion, it just shows how callous a person you are.

Then there is this dialog where JJ remarks that with a name like Jagat Janani she is ruined. Is that really such a bad name? Maybe she thinks Mary or Khadija is a cool name. Or perhaps, prefers the names that Hollywood stars give their children – Apple, son of Gwyneth Paltrow, Coco Riley, kid of Courtney Fox, Destry, kid of Steven Spielberg etc.

To ask a clichéd question – why didn’t you choose to make this movie about PK fighting a Moulvi or a Bishop for that matter? Do you mean to tell me that they are all paragons of virtue who espouse the ideal way of reaching God? Should we pull out statistics of how many paedophiles are there in the Church? Or how many Moulvis are terrorists?  And I am not referring to India, because the defence would be that they are foisted cases.

To sum up this rather long rant, I think the movie was bad on two counts – one for being a badly scripted movie with half-cooked characters and two, for being a vehicle to ridicule Hindus. 

My Father would have turned 80 today

My father would have turned 80 today (30th April - 1^st May), going by the Tamizh Hindu Panchangam. I felt this would be a good time for me to write a long pending eulogy, something I have wanted to do for almost 15 months now. But whenever I try to write something, words just fail me. My mind goes haywire and I am unable to get any cogent thoughts.

Each person holds his/her father in very high esteem and I am no different. Those who knew him wouldn’t disagree to the pages I can write about his virtues. But then, that is not my style and more importantly, it wasn’t his nature to flaunt his qualities either. The next few paragraphs may perhaps, capture the essence of who he was, for the benefit of those who didn’t know him.

My father was by nature a very loving and caring soul. He was one who wouldn’t partake in the politics of life and preferred to lead a straight life. His tastes were simple, his objectives were ideal and his affection towards his family knew no limits. He could be friendly with a toddler, a brat, a teenager, an adult, a peer and even seniors. He had an amazing sense of humor that ranged from Wodehousian style to plain kadi jokes. “Paropakaram Itham Shareeram” says a Sanskrit verse and that was his motto in life. He was always ready to help anyone in any way possible within his means.

When I was growing up, he was always there with me. My mind is filled with scenes where it was just father-son bonding time at the beach, cricket matches at Chepauk, movies, restaurants etc. In my late teen years, he even had a father-son talk with me – advising, nay suggesting, that I don’t get carried away by my age and do something just out of peer pressure. On a similar note, when I was leaving for the US – the first time that I was going to be out of my house for an extended period of time – all he told me was to enjoy my time there, with limits of course.

Like many of you know, I was not a first-in-academics type of person. Despite all the money he spent on extra classes, not once did my father regret that to my face and for all my failures (I once scored 19% in a University semester exam), he would only say encouraging words. He was probably keen that I do well in cricket, at least to the level that he achieved. I didn’t shine there either, though he did put me into good coaching classes. Never once did he say that I disappointed him and would only continue to encourage me. I was without a job for a year after college and he only had words of encouragement to me; goading me to build up some skills or trying for higher education. It was a different matter that he constantly encouraged me to run or walk and be active, instead of lazing around on the sofa!

When I joined Infosys and was asked to work at an office 50 kms away, he didn’t like it. He was not swayed by the name tag of the company and felt that work is work and could be done anywhere. But he understood why I was taking it up and didn’t keep harping on the topic. He only used to feel sad about my long travel and that was all that he used to say. Of course, he would get tensed if I was late and being telephonically challenged, he would urge my mother to call me for my GPS updates.

It was not just with me, but even with others, he just wouldn’t want to hurt anyone. He never had an issue in helping others, but would never seek help from others, even when he had the rights to do so. My neighbour kid wrote to me after my father died, of an instance where he met him in a department store and offered a lift to him. My father thanked him, but politely refused. A few moments later, he sought out this kid and checked if the kid didn’t feel offended by his refusal. Raghu has many stories about him offering a lift and my father opting otherwise.

He was not really fond of pets and it was only during his last couple of years, that he started warming up to the favourite dog in my street. Not that he hated it or did anything to hurt it, but he wouldn’t go out of the way to do anything for it. But over the years, as he saw my mother and me feed it, he started to buy rusk and bread for it on his own. He even graduated to feeding it after some time.

On the night that he developed chest pain and I drove him to the clinic, he told me to drive in a relaxed manner and not get tensed; always the man who didn’t want to put others in difficulty on his count. Sadly, those became the last words he spoke to me.

There are abundant stories in my family, and more from my mother, about how he wouldn’t let even a mosquito hover around me. He never hit me or scolded me and the only time he made me cry, was when he died.

How I wish he were here to celebrate his 80^th birthday. Missing you appa. 

Krishna Mukunda Murraray

Since I am returning to blogging after a small gap, I thought I'd resume duties with a post on how Krishna Jayanthi was celebrated at home this year.

We had a really low key celebration this time, mainly because we didn't want my mother to exert herself into the laborious chores involved in the whole pujai. She has recovered well after the cataract surgery on her left eye earlier in the month, but the Doctor has advised her not to do too much of labor intensive tasks.

So much so, that she herself dragged me out of my TV-trance state in the sofa and made me draw the "communist kolam". And I must admit that I created quite a good kolam. This was it:


You may wonder as to why there was a big deviation in the path taken by 'Kuzhandhai Krishnan'. I didn't want to create any illusion that the Lord walked around in a 'thathaka bithaka' fashion like a baby. It was just a case of me choosing a wrong destination and then being reminded that I had to continue the walk to a different place.

But anyways, I went one step ahead (sic) and traced the path of the Lord right from the main door at the ground floor, through the stairs, joined them to the set that my mother had drawn from the first floor entrance till the puja room and then continued from the puja room till the puja spot!







This work earned me a lot of brownie points and totally negated the battle of Kurkshetra that my mother and I had earlier in the day. :)

More important than how you express a condolence, what really matters seems to be the when!

I'd mentioned last week that one of my managers in the office lost his father on the 12th of this month. He'd passed on the message to me and my friends that night.

None of us could visit him that night and since the next day was the Tamizh New Year's day, none of us could visit him then too. But while discussing it with my friends, we first thought that we would meet him at his house on Monday. But there was no confirmation for that plan and it was implicitly decided that we would decide that in the office on Monday. I had checked with my mother and she mentioned that for vijaarichufying dhukkam, one had to go there only on a Thursday or Sunday.

I told my friends about this on Monday. While no one seemed to refute this theory, the conversation then moved on to which time of the day we had too meet him. We took up Thursday first. Most of us, including me, wanted to meet him on Thursday morning. One of my friends objected saying that it would be difficult for him to return home to bathe and then come to office. A couple of others who had to travel to my branch of the office agreed to it and a couple of others who had to go to the other branch didn't mind the morning trip.

So I gave the suggestion that we all meet him on Thursday morning and then come to office. We could then have the "ritual bath" when we reach home! I was shocked at the reaction from everyone in the group. This was probably one of the rare instances when everyone in the group had the same view about something (but technically I had a different one, so...). Everyone seemed to be shocked at the very thought of having to go to office after visiting a house where there was a death. The idea was shot down much faster than the speed with which a bullet leaves a gun.

I didn't give up and tried bringing a little bit of practical and rational angle to the subject. The only reason the whole bathing aspect was brought into the rituals was because a dead human body is likely to attract a lot of micro-organisms and hence, when you return home after visiting such a place, it makes sense to have a bath. My point in this case was that we were visiting him some 5 days after he lost his father and his father's last rites were performed latest by Sunday. Which meant that there was no dead body in the house. And once the body is taken out, the house is cleaned and hence there is no need to worry about these micro-organisms.

But no one would have it. I think everyone added more negative points against me in their books. The counter posed to me was that if I was being so rationalistic, then why not I visit him on any other day of the week. A very pertinent question and honestly, I didn't subscribe to that school of thought either. So, if I was willing to accept this, why not accept the bathing aspect too.

My point is still this: The "rule" says that you should have a bath when you return home. The next statement made was that once you go to a dhukkam vijaarichufying place, you shouldn't go elsewhere! I am again going back in time and trying to understand what other places did people go to in those days? Did they have swanky offices or did they even have the concept of an office those days? People were either at home or in their own shops or their own farms or temples. Now temples - I agree that we shouldn't go there without bathing even on normal days. So at some level, I can accept not going to a temple in the above kind of situation.

Then are all my friends equating the office to a temple as an extension of the "work is worship" principle? I still feel that everyone still follow many rules, blindly.

The next point to be discussed was if we could go there in the evening. But by the time we leave office and reach his house, it would surely be after 6 PM, which again was a taboo according to our customs.

Anyways, after discussing and deliberating the time lines for one more day, it was finally agreed that all of us would meet him on Thursday morning, come back home, bathe and then head to the office. We went to his house - his brother's house actually - at the appointed hour and expressed our condolences. As is my habit in this type of situation, I was more silent than usual. I find it difficult to say things and I am sure that the question that I want to ask, would have been asked by so many others all these days and I felt bad that the affected person would have to repeat it so many times. So, I usually end up being a mute spectator to all that is going on around me.

Anyways, I came back home, had the mandated head bath and then reached office around 10.45 AM.

Visiting my "Family God Temple" this weekend

Finally, I will be visiting the temple of my kula dheiyvam this weekend. (Also read: Professionally challenged: The concept of a family god - kula dheiyvam)

One of my friends is having his wedding reception at Tirunelveli on Saturday (17th) and a couple of us friends, from my previous company, are attending it.

Since Pattamadai is nearby and we have a good portion of Saturday morning free, I will be dropping in to that town. My mother is going to call the only other relative of mine who has gone to that place and fix up an appointment with the priest of a temple there.

This temple is apparently my kula dheiyvam, since we have no other known records of one.

My folks wanted to join me, but since my mother is in the middle of a root canal treatment, their trip will happen around the end of this month.

So, lemme see if things change for the better after my visit!

Midnight pujai in temples for the new calendar year

Let me start 2007 with yet another pet peeve of mine - Hindu temples celebrating the "New Year" with special midnight prayers.

It makes absolutely no frigging sense. The "New Year" is not a new year per the Hindu calendar. The new year, if one follows the Hindu almanac, falls at different periods, depending on linguistic distribution of the Hindu population: Tamilians and Keralites have it around mid-April, Gujaratis have it with Diwali (and so do many others in North India) etc.

In which case, why the bloody hell do all these temples have special pujai at 00:00 hours on Jan 1 every year? Of course this is a recent phenomenon, perhaps lasting a decade. But still, it completely defies logic.

Any Hindu temple is supposed to close down with special prayers to the deity at night and you wake them up the next morning, again with special prayers. But on just this one day, we break all possible aagama shaastras and conduct prayers at midnight.

Why do you think this is? Blatant westernisation and commercialisation of the Indian mind. Most of the western world, heralds in the "New Year" with special midnight mass in their churches. That's of course, for the families. The youth are anyway going to be parading around the streets, or filling in the pubs and discos to dance into the "New Year".

We Indians have to copy all this right? So we have all hooligans roaming the street on the night of Dec 31. Zipping on their bikes like maniacs. Drinking like there is no tomorrow. Dancing in pubs/discos for obvious reasons. Again, this is the younger demography's domain.

So what does the average Indian family person do? Use religion conveniently. Lets have a midnight prayer in the temple. That way I get to be out of the house to bring in the "New Year". And since there is a temple in the plan, the senior citizens wont be offended. And for the temple authorities - its money baby. No one is going to enter a temple on such a special occasion and not put something in the hundial or the priest's aarthi thattu. Not to mention, the allied businesses around the temple like the flower and fruit vendors, the chappal stand people and the beggars, all stand to benefit!

Basically it goes to prove my theory that the temples these days function purely as a business.

So if you have even the least bit of faith in the Hindu religion, PLEASE DON'T GO TO TEMPLES at 00:00 HOURS OF ANY JAN 1.

Oops.... Have I proven myself to be an atheist again?

You may have heard of Bad Hair Day - but what about bad Poonal Day

On some days, one finds that things don't go as planned. And the general tendency is to blame it on some change in the routine that you followed before getting out. These range from 'what did I see first when I woke up this morning?' to 'mebbe I emptied my coffee mug in fewer gulps than usual'. Things like this lead to the formation of the phrase 'Bad Hair Day', meaning a day when you couldn't comb your hair like usual and that caused lot of trouble.

On similar lines, very often I experience what I like to call "Bad Poonal Day" (BPD). On days that I dress up to leave home in a hurry, I invariably experience BPD. So what is it?

Well, sometimes the poonal that you get after avani avittam, is not of the same size as your old one. So, when you dress up in a hurry, there is every chance that you don't make appropriate provisions in your inner garments for loading the poonal. What happens then could be two things: One - you are short pressed or Two - there is way too much poonal.

In the first case, some 10 minutes after you step out of house, you will get this weird sensation around your left neck, near the place where the neck and the shoulder blades come together. You might be tempted to think that some form of a mosquito has invaded your neck region, but au contraire, you realise slowly that it is the poonal. Since it is quite short, it gets jammed in the waist region within the confines of your u'garments. This then causes the other end to slide upwards from the shoulder to the nape of the neck itself.

How do you get rid of this inconvenience? Basically by performing some salsa dance but one that must not be visible to others. You also constantly move your hands around your right waist area and somehow manage to loosen the poonal from its parked position. And then you are mostly good to continue your activities normally.

The second type of BPD happens when the poonal length is unusually longer. Similar to the other case, here too the symptom becomes visible only after the 10th minute. Once again you get a really weird feeling around the left side of the body. But this time, you kinda feel like your vests have mysteriously started falling apart. And you also start feeling some movement around your left arm. Then it strikes you that it is the poonal that has now slipped from the shoulder and is taking a trek down your left hand. For some people, the realisation comes quite late, when the poonal starts taking a peek at the outside world from under the left hand sleeve of your vest and shirt/t-shirt. Moreover, if you are wearing a full sleeve shirt/t-shirt, the ability to comprehend the position gets tougher.

Returning to the normal position in this form of BPD is much easier than the other one. But it involves some effort on your part and this effort cannot go unnoticed. You may try all 'polite' forms of redressing in public, like pulling it in under the guise of adjusting your crease on your shirt. But this is more often only a momentary fix, cause now you will see the poonal step down much faster.

The best way out is to put your right hand inside your shirt, grope for the poonal and drag it back to normal position. Obviously this wont go well with the cute girl that you are trying to impress, but what does she know about your predicament.

I wish someone can come up with a good solution to BPD.

The concept of a family god - kula dheiyvam

So how do you decide who is your kula dheiyvam? Most of us are just informed that 'xyz' deity in 'abc' town is our kula dheiyvam. Have you ever asked why?

The version I keep hearing is that the deity at a temple where your forefathers lived is given the honor of being your kula dheiyvam. Fair enough.

But then, if you drill deep, you will find that it is not possible to trace beyond 5 or 6 generations before you. At least I have not been able to cross beyond the 3rd level in my family tree.

Even if you go 6 levels upwards and find out that the person in contention did indeed live in the same place as your kula dheiyvam temple, do you have any proof that he actually had that very same deity as his kula dheiyvam? Meaning, did he also inherit his kula dheiyvam from many generations before him?

What if he or one of his earlier generations were actually settlers in this place? Then this deity is only assumed to be your kula dheiyvam and the actual one is now known only to 12 generations before you.

And I cant stop there too. Even the 12th generation before you, was not really the start point of staying put in the same town. They too migrated from some other parts of the country.

So, if you dig deeper and deeper, I am not sure where to stop. The earliest man seems to have originated in the African continent and so I assume the deity he worshiped is really my kula dheiyvam.

But then, I don't think the concept of religion came up at that time. That leaves me with the option of going to the Mohenjadaro-Harapaa civilization as my start point.

And even religiously speaking, since I am descendant of Rishi Kountinya, I assume that the place where he lived should technically have my kula dheiyvam.

Considering all this, I am somehow not willing to accept the theory that my kula dheiyvam is in Pattamadai!

The business of lighting an oil lamp

Those of you familiar with my rants on the society being seemingly upset that I am still single, well here's an update. The latest was the flower vendor my dad met a couple of days back. Basically she is an old timer and has not been around Besant Nagar for a while. So they caught up discussing things and as usual this inquiry propped up.

Anyways, for the past many months now, my dad - under the stern instructions of my mom of course - has been visiting the temple every Saturday. He goes almost daily, but Saturdays are never skipped. So also Tuesdays, but I digress.

Whenever I am available at home on a Saturday, I too accompany him. Again, more often not by choice. I get hints from mom and these come under have varied hues. A popular one is the desperate plea for me to be more religious. But she knows when to use it. Because, if she is in a good mood, I can argue easily with her and wriggle myself out of going. If she is not in a good mood, I know better not to argue! This one actually has many variations like 'onnoda nallathukku thaan solraen' or 'saamiya pazhichukkaadha' or under extreme duress she recommends that i join the DK!

The other popular and always winning one is the emotional blackmail where she makes me go not for her or me, but for my father. Saying things like, 'avarukku mudiayala, konjam kood poyittu vaa' makes me weak and i have to yield.

I have nothing against going to temples. The problem is that, my mother wants me to visit this temple and LIGHT A LAMP! Yeap. I aethufy a vellakku to keep Saturn happy.

After many weeks, I now feel that this lamp thingy is quite a good cottage industry. To me it looks like there is a good Business Opportunity for those inclined to make money that way.

I pay 5 bucks for that lamp. Its a small 'agal vellakku'. The vendor also supplies oil in a tiny plastic container, provides a match box and places all this on a plate too. The entire business runs on he honor system. Like I take this lamp inside, light it and then I can leave the plate, match box and the oil container near the lamp lighting zone. There is also a mysterious thing that is actually burnt in the lamp. Its not your usual wick. Its a small cloth bundle and is ALWAYS black in color. This has to be placed inside the vellakku and then oil is poured on it. Then you light this cloth.

What also irks me some more is the fact that, neither is a deadline to meet nor is there a minimum/maximum number of times one has to light up lamps in this fashion!

Whoever came up with the idea of this lamp and making a good industry out of it - Sir/Madam your business acumen is matchless.

Pillayaar Chathurthi a.k.a Ganesh Chathurthi

The poojai at home.....

Rival blog on Lord Krishna's birthday

Since Super Thumby posted a picture of his kolam work, I had to bring out the communist kolam that my mother drew yesterday. ensoy....

and oh, if u wondering what i mean by communist kolam.... just remember the ancient kadi joke:
Q: what is common to krishna jayanthi and communism?
A: Kaal Marks / Karl Marx

kapish???

Brahminism vs Biology

My view is that the concept of Gothram when used in matrimonial calculations, takes a drastically opposite stand to basic biological theories.
Brahmins belonging to one gothram are not supposed to marry Brahmins belonging to the same gothram - the reason is that they two people in contention are direct descendants of the same rishi and therefore are like siblings.
Give me a break.
The fundamentals of genetics tell us how the chromosomes of a male and a female come together. How attributes from both strands of the chromosome join to form the final entity. So basically,the offspring is only a combo of the male and female genetic traits.
If that be the case, then a person belonging to one Gothram - u belong to your dad's gothram - cannot marry person belonging to the father's gothram (the standard rule) and also the mother's gothram before her marriage.
Extrapolating this over many many generations, we will find that any Brahmin is ultimately 1/8th Kashyapa, 1/16th Kauntinya, 1/7th Bharadwaja, 1/11th Harita, 5/13th Sankrithi, 1/19th Viswamitra and the balance fraction of any other Rishi.
So technically, no brahmin can marry any other brahmin, provided you accept Biology.
Thats your call.

maybe i should have been ...

an astrologer.
yeap, i should have been one.
the last wednesday marked the completion of 8 years of my professional life. and it was contemplation time. if i had not gotten an offer from Polaris, i would have joined either Anna Univ or REC Trichy for my MBA course. and god knows what was in store for me after that.
anyways, i asked myself a question that is usually asked to all celebrities, especially those in the movies: What would you have become if u hadnt entered this field? i once did have lofty ambitions of being a doctor but i now think that i couldnt have been one.
so, what could i have been? i now feel, mebbe i should have been an astrologer. why? reasons below:
1. there is no age limit to become one; in fact age brings more "respect".
2. on a related note, there is no retirement age.
3. the income is tax free.
4. unlike other businesses/establishments, there is no need for concepts like VAT, service/sales tax etc. so need to have an accountant or even a tax consultant at the time of filing taxes.
5. i get to see all sorts of people.
6. i am a good listener and so will have no problems when people start narrating their issues.
7. people who come to astrologers are of two types. the first type are the ones who have staunch belief in the science and approach an astrologer to even decide what time they need to bathe. the second ones are those that are "converted" - those who have problems and have exhausted most of the logical solutions to these problems.
in either case, i either have a good repeat business or new business with reference from old clients.
8. again on a related note, most of the old clients will introduce new clients. and so the marketing/sales/advertisements cost is practically non-existent.
9. since i didnt seek the clients and the clients sought me, whenever a mistake occurs, i can always rightfully say "i didnt say i am an expert. u only came to me and i told u whatever i knew".
10.and actually, nobody knows anything to really point out mistakes in an astrologer's work. all i need is the panjaangam and i am good to go.
11.i dont need a permit/license to become an astrologer. if i say i am one, people will just accept it.
12.the verandah of a house or the small area where one leaves footwear are all qualified to be your workplace. in fact, the dirtier and uglier a place is, it is more likely to impress clientele. which only means absolutely no establishment charges for the business.
13.its possibly the only hobby that pays.

with so many pros and hardly any cons (pun unitended!), i think i should have been an astrologer. but then its not too late to start.