I'd mentioned last week that one of my managers in the office lost his father on the 12th of this month. He'd passed on the message to me and my friends that night.
None of us could visit him that night and since the next day was the Tamizh New Year's day, none of us could visit him then too. But while discussing it with my friends, we first thought that we would meet him at his house on Monday. But there was no confirmation for that plan and it was implicitly decided that we would decide that in the office on Monday. I had checked with my mother and she mentioned that for vijaarichufying dhukkam, one had to go there only on a Thursday or Sunday.
I told my friends about this on Monday. While no one seemed to refute this theory, the conversation then moved on to which time of the day we had too meet him. We took up Thursday first. Most of us, including me, wanted to meet him on Thursday morning. One of my friends objected saying that it would be difficult for him to return home to bathe and then come to office. A couple of others who had to travel to my branch of the office agreed to it and a couple of others who had to go to the other branch didn't mind the morning trip.
So I gave the suggestion that we all meet him on Thursday morning and then come to office. We could then have the "ritual bath" when we reach home! I was shocked at the reaction from everyone in the group. This was probably one of the rare instances when everyone in the group had the same view about something (but technically I had a different one, so...). Everyone seemed to be shocked at the very thought of having to go to office after visiting a house where there was a death. The idea was shot down much faster than the speed with which a bullet leaves a gun.
I didn't give up and tried bringing a little bit of practical and rational angle to the subject. The only reason the whole bathing aspect was brought into the rituals was because a dead human body is likely to attract a lot of micro-organisms and hence, when you return home after visiting such a place, it makes sense to have a bath. My point in this case was that we were visiting him some 5 days after he lost his father and his father's last rites were performed latest by Sunday. Which meant that there was no dead body in the house. And once the body is taken out, the house is cleaned and hence there is no need to worry about these micro-organisms.
But no one would have it. I think everyone added more negative points against me in their books. The counter posed to me was that if I was being so rationalistic, then why not I visit him on any other day of the week. A very pertinent question and honestly, I didn't subscribe to that school of thought either. So, if I was willing to accept this, why not accept the bathing aspect too.
My point is still this: The "rule" says that you should have a bath when you return home. The next statement made was that once you go to a dhukkam vijaarichufying place, you shouldn't go elsewhere! I am again going back in time and trying to understand what other places did people go to in those days? Did they have swanky offices or did they even have the concept of an office those days? People were either at home or in their own shops or their own farms or temples. Now temples - I agree that we shouldn't go there without bathing even on normal days. So at some level, I can accept not going to a temple in the above kind of situation.
Then are all my friends equating the office to a temple as an extension of the "work is worship" principle? I still feel that everyone still follow many rules, blindly.
The next point to be discussed was if we could go there in the evening. But by the time we leave office and reach his house, it would surely be after 6 PM, which again was a taboo according to our customs.
Anyways, after discussing and deliberating the time lines for one more day, it was finally agreed that all of us would meet him on Thursday morning, come back home, bathe and then head to the office. We went to his house - his brother's house actually - at the appointed hour and expressed our condolences. As is my habit in this type of situation, I was more silent than usual. I find it difficult to say things and I am sure that the question that I want to ask, would have been asked by so many others all these days and I felt bad that the affected person would have to repeat it so many times. So, I usually end up being a mute spectator to all that is going on around me.
Anyways, I came back home, had the mandated head bath and then reached office around 10.45 AM.
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