The Paradox that makes us say that Sunday is longer than monday

You know what is a paradox? Well, most of us study or hear this problem where you are lost in an island; with two tribes; one says truth and the other lies; and you have to ask them which one is saying the truth;…. Well that’s a textbook paradox. But if you want a real paradox, let me first introduce you to the concept of “Sunday is longer than Monday”.
If you actually cannot relate to this particular phrase, then you must be a person who doesn’t wear a kai-vecha-banian aka, sleeved vest. Or, if you do wear one, you are surely a full sleeve wearing working class member.
If you are none of the above, then you really don’t understand the pain that a whole lot of us undergo on a routine basis.
And just in case you belong to the minority that endures this phenomenon, but doesn’t know what I am talking about, then this picture should clear the air.

As you can see, I am referring to the problem that a lot of us grown men suffer from when they wear a sleeved vest and a half-sleeved t-shirt or regular shirt over it. This is not a very pleasant sight, and is a slightly delicate one which makes it impossible to point at and laugh. Or alert the person directly. Which is why people suddenly say that Sunday is longer than Monday, hoping that only the person with overflowing vest understands what they say and would take corrective action. But then the phrase is known to many and if you suddenly utter that phrase, everyone around you immediately checks their sleeve. And therein lies a paradox. 

What has to be considered is the root cause of the problem, which if you think about it is the main paradox. On the one hand, the vest makers think that their clientele are constantly increasing in body size and hence, the vests they make must be flexible enough to stretch. Issue however, is that the rate at which a human expands is a tad slower than the rate at which the hosiery does.
On the other hand, the makers of t-shirts and half-sleeve shirts seem to think that their clientele is so fitness conscious that they have to make their product with really tight and short sleeves. For some reason, they believe that the models they use to advertise their product basically represent the entire population, whereas they represent only the models.
Shouldn’t cloth makers make clothes with the same assumption? Paradox?
Coming to adverts, it is almost impossible to find any banian ad where they show an average Uncle type wearing a kai-vecha-banian. It is always a gym body youth who wears a kai-illaadha banian. The very purpose of a banian is to ensure that the body sweat doesn’t show up in the outer layer. So, in the generally hot conditions of this country, why should anyone wear the kail-illadha banian if sweat is going to be pouring out of the most porous part of the body – the underarm. That again is another paradox.
Is there a solution in sight? I can at least offer my experience and hope others benefit. Or feel inspired to share theirs. We sufferers have to keep constantly folding up the vest or tuck it inside the outer sleeve. Some may even have to resort to using a paper clip to hold it in place.
The trick that I usually try is folding the inner sleeve along the hem a couple of times. This way, the vest still stays hidden, and it doesn’t look like you suddenly developed your biceps overnight. The other more painful way is to tuck in the vest into the deep ravines of the underwear. The idea being that the tightness of the elastic in the underwear holds the vest in place and ensures that there is no peek-a-boo from either arm.
Obviously, this method carries the inherent risk of asphyxiation, especially when sitting. And sitting is what we mostly do the whole day and so, this technique may require a lot of training before it can be implemented without supervision.
Until we find a long term solution to this issue, we have no choice but to wear full-sleeve shirts.

Dressing up in the restroom

This rant is flowing out from pent up thoughts of many years, probably decades. The irksome act that has triggered this post is what the ubiquitous young Chennai male does in front of the mirror in a restroom.

When a desi “doood” enters the restroom, please bear in mind that the primary purpose is dressing up and the secondary is putting the flush tank to use. He stands in front of the mirror to take in his awesomeness and then stands there for more. Next, he gets on to washing his face, an act which requires about 2 litres of water being splashed on to the face, with some 1 litre flowing from the tap to the drain.

After water has been passed on from the inlet pipes to his face, the drain, the mirror and anything in a 1 foot radius, he slowly rises up to check if his awesomeness is still intact. He then resumes the act of taking in the awesomeness that was not washed away and with a generous pull-out of paper towels, he wipes his face and hands clean. After disposing the used towels, it is back to taking in some more of the awesomeness.

The “doood” then pulls out a small comb or some such contraption that has been procured primarily for its small size that can fit into the back pocket of a trouser. He now proceeds to comb his hair, repeating the sweep many times over. The hand that doesn’t have the comb goes around patting the combed hair just to quell any rebellion the strands may have planned. For added effect, there is a liberal movement of the neck for about 180 degrees, to ensure that not a single strand has moved away from its prescribed position.

Now comes a small variant in the action, caused by the presence or absence of facial hair in some “dooods”. The ones without any facial hair move on to the action in the next paragraph, whereas the ones, who don’t, move to the next sentence. The comb apparatus is now used to brush the moustache and beard if applicable, again with a lot of focus on aligning the strands to the prescribed position.

Finally, the said comb is then tucked back into the rear pocket with or without a wash, based on the time available on hand. Then it is again back to taking in the awesomeness. You see, I am fine with all this grooming because the probability of hairstyle to change in an hour or so is quite minimal, unless one is in the path of a major gust of wind, the probability of which is even lower, especially in Chennai. What I simply cannot understand is the next stage of the dressing up activity.

This next and in most cases final stage, involves the tucking in of the shirt inside the trousers. Sometimes it is also a T-shirt, but I digress. The fashion rules of Chennai somehow mandates that one should tuck in the shirt such that some portion of the tuck, spills over to the belt. Maybe it is a rule created to cover up the grossly worn out belt or the fact that the belt is so big that it wraps to near your rear.

The “dooods” spend a good part of the next 4 minutes to pummel the shirt inside the trouser, brush it to ensure that it sticks to the position over the belt, adjust the trousers by jiggling them a little, once again brushing the shirt, then jiggle some more….you get the drift. There is of course a liberal turning of one’s body to the maximum extent possible, so that one can see how the shirt is tucked in at the sides and part of the rear.

You wonder why I don’t understand the need to spend so much time in tucking in the shirt? Simple. The minute you take 5-6 steps, there is a clear movement of your clothes and all the tucking in will slowly ease itself out of the contrived placements. Also, invariably, the “doood” is going to sit on a chair either at his work-desk or in the cafeteria. In any case, physics and biology clearly dictate that the shirt will move, thereby negating all the time spent in correcting it in the restroom. So why do people still do it? Is it because they want even a casual onlooker to ignore the fact that the ubiquitous young Chennai male is wearing a striped t-shirt, tucked into a dark terry-cotton trouser with a white sneaker to complete the ensemble? 

Buckle of my belt buckled under pressure

Something happened last week that gave me a whole new perspective about the phrase "buckle under pressure".

Of late, I have been using a belt that is black on one side and brown on the other. So all one needs to do is to switch the buckle and you get to wear the color of your choice.

These belts come with two methods by which the switching of sides happens. In the most common method, the buckle clamps on to one end of the belt strip. To switch sides, you push a small "lever" and un-clamp it from the belt strip. You then clamp it back to the same end of the belt strip, but you would have first changed the sides.


In the second method, the buckle itself comes with a small bearing and is tightly nailed on to the belt strip. So to switch sides, one simply has to rotate the buckle along this bearing and you are done. It is quite simple.


The belt that I have, belongs to the first type. So, after the excess usage over the last 2 years, the portion of the belt strip where the buckle clamped itself, started to get thin.

It was not just the age factor that caused this erosion, but also the sheer pressure that was being exerted on the belt whenever it was on my waist. Clearly, the buckle could not handle this extra pressure and it started clawing away the portion of the belt with its clamp made of metal teeth.

And one fine day last week, when I stepped out to work, I noticed that the buckle had detached itself from one end and was hanging in front of me, still holding on to the other end. The 3 images below would convey the situation clearly.



I quickly corrected the situation and went to office.

Things seemed fine till I reached work. After having my breakfast, I went to wash my hands and found that the belt was back to the unwanted state that it attained earlier in the day.

To avoid any further embarrassment, I took out the belt and went belt-less the whole day. I came home and cut off the portion of the belt that was losing its thickness. Now, the buckle was back, clamping itself on to a fresh portion of the strip. And to be on the safer side, I let the buckle remain as is and went without a belt for another day.

I felt really odd on both the days without the belt. Wearing formal shirts tucked into formal trousers somehow felt incomplete without a belt. There was also the perennial problem of the trouser not being held at the waist - or the neighborhood on my body that may have been classified as a waist when I was born.

Anyways, I am now back to normal with my belt in place. But I need to plan for a backup and get 2 new belts. I think I am pretty much done with the two-sided belts, unless of course, I get one with the buckle of the aforementioned second type.

Random Observation # 046 - For Men only

While wearing a necktie, there is a general fashion convention that says that the tip of the tie shouldn't extend beyond the belt clip.

People give some good reasons for this and the most popular one is that, if a tie extends well beyond the belt, it means that the individual is married.

Whatever be the social implication of the tie extending beyond the belt clip or whatever be the aesthetic conventions about the same, I know this for sure. If your tie extends beyond the belt clip, it is going to be very difficult for you when you have to use the Urinal.

Walking the ramp

Please be advised that a group of kids at work have invited me to participate in a fashion show. And don't get afraid that it will come up on TV or something. Its only part of an event in the inter-unit culturals competition at work.

If you have settled down after laughing, here is something to go ROTFL once again. I told my parents over dinner that I've been invited to a fashion show and my father says:
"To judge?".

Me finished!!!

Dressing Trends

I am not able to digest the way some of us dress up. But seeing the sheer number of people who do it (especially at the work place), I've started doubting my fashion consciousness. So can someone please clarify these questions:

1. Is it okay to wear a light colored striped/plain/checked shirt with a darker shaded terri-cotton trouser and a WHITE SNEAKER?
Ancillary questions: (a) Does the tucking in of the shirt change the look here? (b) Sometimes the shirt and trouser are not in color sync too, is that OK?

2. Can I wear a Green checked shirt (FS or HS) with a dark blue trouser and a PURPLE TIE?

3. Should the tie end near your belly button or 4 inches below the belt?

4. How does a girl's Salwar/Churidar without the dhuppatta, become a 'casual dress', whereas the exact same outfit plus a dhuppatta becomes a 'formal dress'?

5. Can I wear a plain colored shirt with matching trousers and accessorise myself with a sports watch?
Corollary question: Can I wear a round neck t-shirt with cargo trousers and strap a gold plated analog watch?

6. Why do some girls, wear sleeveless salwars/churidars and pin the dhuppatta to their shoulder, but on days when they wear regular outfits, they let their dhuppattas flow around all over the place?

7. Should my socks match my trousers or my shoes or neither?

8. Do big and bold checks with more than 3 colors, in a shirt, count as formal wear?

9. If a girl wears any shirt and a non-denim trouser, does it become formal?

10. Oiled and plaited hair (quite often with 1-2 muzhams of malli poo or kanagaambaram) - does it go with jeans and t-shirt?

There are lots more that come to my mind, but I will stop with this.
Please advise...

Its no longer there

You may probably not notice it, but I've taken off the fashionable bit of facial hair below my lower lip.

Last evening, my father had a very quick/brief conversation about how hideous it looked and asked me to remove it.

When I reported this to Superthumby and told him that I am going to take it off, his response removed whatever little doubt I had about retaining it. He said "habbaadaa"!

So, me back to being my pucca uricha kozhi self. Lemme see how many people notice the difference in office.