What would you choose?

Many a time in our life, we are placed in a situation where we have to choose between the proverbial devil and deep sea. Basically you would have to choose between 2 options, neither of which you actually like.

7:45 AM this morning, found me in such a predicament. The location was a small “Departmental Store” on ECR in the neighborhood of Neelaankarai.

Now, the detailed story. I was going to the office nearer home today and so was motoring along in my Maruti 800. After I reached the ECR near Kottivakkam, I suddenly realized that I hadn’t used my deodorant.

It was quite a distance for me to return home for the magic spray. So, I decided that I would stop at one of the “Departmental Stores” that would start the day’s business around that time. I went along looking for one and near Neelangarai, I found a fairly decent sized shop. So, I pulled over and parked my car. I walked up to the shop and one of the guys working there asked what I wanted. I told him that I was looking for a deodorant, preferably Axe.

The guy went inside, after confirming that I was looking for a “Body Spray” and started scanning the shelves for the aforementioned product. He couldn’t locate it. Then, he brought down another product of the same, but it was Rexona. I wasn’t sure if Rexona had any masculine fragrances and was a bit hesitant to take a look. But the situation forced me to take the can from him and take a closer look. The can said “Rexona Silk, Anti-perspirant Deodorant”.

This is where the predicament I mentioned earlier, kicked in. I didn’t want to be in work without a deo’ because, though I am not the sweaty type I am sure to emanate foul odor at a later point of the day. And I sure as hell didn’t want to be this guy. But the deo’ can in my hand, said “Rexona Silk”, a name that sounds way too feminine. So, no way I can wear it.

I had a big debate going on – is it ok for a man to stink like one or should a man start smelling like a woman simply to not stink. I opted for the former.

I came out of the shop and proceeded along the road. I stopped at one more shop en route, but to no avail. After some time, I couldn’t see any shops. I was almost near VGP, when I saw a couple of these shops open on the other side of the road. So, I made a U-Turn at the next available opportunity and stopped in front of the bigger shop.

This shop was much bigger than the ones I had checked out this morning, so I was quite hopeful of getting what I wanted. And by the time one of the guys came up to check what I wanted, I said “Axe Body Spray or any other Body Spray”. The first lesson for the day was that the people in these small towns are used to calling it Body Spray and not Deodorant.

The guy went off to get the product, but was having a difficult time in locating it. I too looked around the shop and realized that they hadn’t stocked this item. Then the guy shouted from the back of the store “Saar, Axe இல்ல, Air Wick வேணும்னா தரட்டுமா?”!!!! He was asking me that since he didn’t have Axe, could he give me Air Wick instead. And if you are still wondering what the issue is, let me clarify to you that Air Wick is a room freshener!

I told the guy that I was looking for something that I can spray on a human body and not something you spray in a room or in an A/C vent. At that point I gave up my search and started worrying about those at work who would have to bear my stench. I resumed my drive to work.

Then I saw the last shop on the stretch of ECR before I get on to the road connecting it to the OMR. I asked the shopkeeper if he had a “Body Spray’. The guy responded in the affirmative and went inside. I scanned the shelves but couldn’t locate any familiar brands. On deeper observation, it came to my notice that there was no product of that category at all.

The shopkeeper then brought a stool towards me. He set it across the counter and stood up on it. He started opening cupboards that didn’t look like they existed. Then I heard the familiar sound of metal cans clashing against each other and was presented with a whole lot of deodorant cans. These were not from Axe, but were from Park Avenue.

I was assured that these were all deos that men could use and picked up the can that was the bluest of them all – Park Avenue Good Morning. The shopkeeper didn’t mind that I would be breaking open a seal to check the fragrance. I did and was rewarded with a fragrance stronger and bolder than what I usually wear.

But hey, it was not going to make me smell like a dustbin or worse, make me smell like a damsel freshly bathed in water filled with petals of flowers. And who knows, my luck may change from what I have experienced so far.

Deodarants...

All these deo ads lie, OK?

Ever since I reached an age when using deos started becoming a necessity, I've been hunting for that perfect deo. Perfect not just in terms of its basic functionality, but also the added features that are listed in their ads.

One of the first ones I tried was Denim. Started off with their talc though. And their tag line was "For the man who doesn't have try...too hard". And it had (I think it still does) this image of a guy in a denim shirt and a female hand sliding over his chest into his shirt.

So, I assumed that would work for me, though I didn't have a denim shirt. I'd hoped the deo/talc would do the needful.

But nah! Nothing of that sort ever happened. I wondered where the problem was. Then I realised that I misunderstood the tag line. It clearly said "..who doesn't have try...too hard". I'd conveniently left out the 'too hard' part of it and so had great hope on that product.

By the time I figured this one out, it was many years. I tried couple of other things in between like Old Spice and Gillette. They were good, but not great.

Then a couple of years back, I switched to Axe. Once again, I was smitten by their ads. In any of their ads, you could always see girls falling left, right and center on a chap who used Axe.

Not wanting to be left out, I too tried all the variants they had. But unlike in the ad: no girl did anything to me in an elevator, no girl volunteered to help me at the dry cleaners etc. Life just seemed to be going on as usual.

So I lost interest in Axe as well.

And then, for the past few months/week, there is a new deo in town called Set Wet Zatak. Needless to say, their ads too were quite interesting and promised a lot. I got the deo last weekend and have been using it for the past 5 days.

Let me tell you this: THERE IS NO BLOODY DIFFERENCE. I didn't see any girl getting excited in my presence, no girl started scribbling nonsense on a board and no girl started getting into a fight with her fiance'.

But I am going to take the high road here and assume that all these things did take place, oblivious to me.

All in all, for all you people out there - If you are planning to buy a deo seeing any TV/Print ad, please be forewarned. In my experience all these years, nothing of that sort ever happens.

Just buy something that smells good and doesn't burn a hole in your wallet.