What would you choose?

Many a time in our life, we are placed in a situation where we have to choose between the proverbial devil and deep sea. Basically you would have to choose between 2 options, neither of which you actually like.

7:45 AM this morning, found me in such a predicament. The location was a small “Departmental Store” on ECR in the neighborhood of Neelaankarai.

Now, the detailed story. I was going to the office nearer home today and so was motoring along in my Maruti 800. After I reached the ECR near Kottivakkam, I suddenly realized that I hadn’t used my deodorant.

It was quite a distance for me to return home for the magic spray. So, I decided that I would stop at one of the “Departmental Stores” that would start the day’s business around that time. I went along looking for one and near Neelangarai, I found a fairly decent sized shop. So, I pulled over and parked my car. I walked up to the shop and one of the guys working there asked what I wanted. I told him that I was looking for a deodorant, preferably Axe.

The guy went inside, after confirming that I was looking for a “Body Spray” and started scanning the shelves for the aforementioned product. He couldn’t locate it. Then, he brought down another product of the same, but it was Rexona. I wasn’t sure if Rexona had any masculine fragrances and was a bit hesitant to take a look. But the situation forced me to take the can from him and take a closer look. The can said “Rexona Silk, Anti-perspirant Deodorant”.

This is where the predicament I mentioned earlier, kicked in. I didn’t want to be in work without a deo’ because, though I am not the sweaty type I am sure to emanate foul odor at a later point of the day. And I sure as hell didn’t want to be this guy. But the deo’ can in my hand, said “Rexona Silk”, a name that sounds way too feminine. So, no way I can wear it.

I had a big debate going on – is it ok for a man to stink like one or should a man start smelling like a woman simply to not stink. I opted for the former.

I came out of the shop and proceeded along the road. I stopped at one more shop en route, but to no avail. After some time, I couldn’t see any shops. I was almost near VGP, when I saw a couple of these shops open on the other side of the road. So, I made a U-Turn at the next available opportunity and stopped in front of the bigger shop.

This shop was much bigger than the ones I had checked out this morning, so I was quite hopeful of getting what I wanted. And by the time one of the guys came up to check what I wanted, I said “Axe Body Spray or any other Body Spray”. The first lesson for the day was that the people in these small towns are used to calling it Body Spray and not Deodorant.

The guy went off to get the product, but was having a difficult time in locating it. I too looked around the shop and realized that they hadn’t stocked this item. Then the guy shouted from the back of the store “Saar, Axe இல்ல, Air Wick வேணும்னா தரட்டுமா?”!!!! He was asking me that since he didn’t have Axe, could he give me Air Wick instead. And if you are still wondering what the issue is, let me clarify to you that Air Wick is a room freshener!

I told the guy that I was looking for something that I can spray on a human body and not something you spray in a room or in an A/C vent. At that point I gave up my search and started worrying about those at work who would have to bear my stench. I resumed my drive to work.

Then I saw the last shop on the stretch of ECR before I get on to the road connecting it to the OMR. I asked the shopkeeper if he had a “Body Spray’. The guy responded in the affirmative and went inside. I scanned the shelves but couldn’t locate any familiar brands. On deeper observation, it came to my notice that there was no product of that category at all.

The shopkeeper then brought a stool towards me. He set it across the counter and stood up on it. He started opening cupboards that didn’t look like they existed. Then I heard the familiar sound of metal cans clashing against each other and was presented with a whole lot of deodorant cans. These were not from Axe, but were from Park Avenue.

I was assured that these were all deos that men could use and picked up the can that was the bluest of them all – Park Avenue Good Morning. The shopkeeper didn’t mind that I would be breaking open a seal to check the fragrance. I did and was rewarded with a fragrance stronger and bolder than what I usually wear.

But hey, it was not going to make me smell like a dustbin or worse, make me smell like a damsel freshly bathed in water filled with petals of flowers. And who knows, my luck may change from what I have experienced so far.

You could be repelled by this post, but thats the experience I had in the morning

To cut a long title short, there was this guy in my Office bus. There are many that guys and this girls and that girls too, but I digress.

I usually sit in the aisle seat until someone decides to occupy the remaining seat in the 3 seater that my friend and i share.

'This guy' boarded the bus in the last stop and when he was near my seat, my surgically altered nose picked up a scent that I usually experience after running 10kms in peak Chennai summer. That is of course, assuming that I do run.

But you get the idea. The chap was emanating a foul smell some 5 feet away from me. I somehow had a fear that he would like to occupy the vacant seat next to me. And by jove he did.

And I let him occupy the middle seat with the noble intention of letting my friend suffer, what I would otherwise have had to suffer on my own, if I had moved to the middle.

Man the guy stank. Did he not bathe this morning? Or does he not use a deo? Or has he been wearing that shirt for many days - daily or alternate days or some such frequency - without washing it?

Whatever it was, 'twas quite painful.

My friend who was till then enjoying the window seat, must have felt her olfactory system being put to good use. So she decided to open the window a bit more to grasp some fresh air - fresh with the day's first exhause of CO,PbO and the likes. Still a welcome relief from what I had inside.

So now imagine my plight. An open window meant that, I was on the leeward side of this guy. So I started to get the stench in spurts from my right side. What must also be noted is that these days, not many windows are open and so the circulation of air is quite low. Especially in my row of seats, there was no scope of cross ventilation.

Then came the breaking point. The two seater next to me across the aisle had two guys who discussed and agreed that, instead of opening the window, they would switch on the small fan installed on the sill. And when they did, I could feel air hitting me from the left side.

At first I thought - ah its so nice to have some air on you. The joy lasted some 1.5 nanoseconds. Why? Remember I said the guy was emitting near toxic air on my right side which was getting pushed with full force due to the open window on the right side. Now with the fan pushing air from left to right side, the net impact was unbearable. I had stale air lingering around my nostrils for what seemed like eternity. I was going to start preparing my will, when better sense prevailed.

Also the fan guys switched it off, thereby reducing my torture by 50%. And I turned my head to a 10-11 'o' clock position to minimise the effect of the stench.

I pray that this guy doesnt come to this seat tomorrow also.