Do you have any issue?

"Poor man, he has no issue"
"How many issues do you have? 2? Very good, very good."

Reading the above sentence might make you think that the person making these statements must have a twisted sense of humor. Unfortunately, that is not the case. He/She is probably a middle-aged or above middle-aged person in the TamBrahm community who is saying this with the best of intentions.

When you look up the dictionary meaning of the word "issue", one of the many entries it returns says "offspring" or "children" or "progeny" etc. This is a very formal word used mostly in legal parlance. But it has somehow manifested itself into the list of words spoken by the educated people of the British Raj in Tamil Nadu and Chennai in particular. The usage has come down quite evidently; though I still hear the previous generations use it whilst conversing amongst themselves.

Now that the background has been established, I would like to share a funny incident that took place last Sunday.

I have finally decided to let out my new house at Sholinganallur for rent. Though I haven't made formal advertisements or published anything in any medium, the word on the streets of Devaraj Nagar is that my house is available for rent. So last Sunday, we got word from 2 parties who were interested in seeing the house. One of them was a small family comprising of a husband and wife, with the husband working in the same company as I do, albeit in the local branch. While I was showing him around the house, he informed me that he had a 2 year old kid.

After this couple had taken a tour of the house and were impressed with it (they however did feel that it was too big for them), we were just chatting up niceties. My father who joined us only then, asked this guy "Do you have any issues?" The guy simply didn't understand what my father said and asked for the question to be repeated. My father thought that perhaps he didn't hear him properly and gave a slow but loud "I was asking if you have any issues?" The guy was now bewildered and just didn't understand what my father was saying. He couldn't equate "issue" with "children" in this context. He was probably thinking "Is this man trying to understand if I am leaving my present house because there are some issues with the house or landlord?" or "Is this man trying to understand if I have any health issues?" or "Why should this man be bothered about the issues that I have in my project" or something else along those lines. His wife had a similar expression on her face and so it was time for me to step in.

I cleared the air for all of them; told my father that people no longer use "issue" for "children" these days; told that couple that my father wanted to know if they have any children. After a general round of nervous laughter, the wife said that they have a 2 year old daughter. Perhaps the guy still didn't get it or wanted to play it safe, but he started telling us about his siblings and parents as well! And all the time, his face was exhibiting a confused state.

Anyways, I haven't heard from them after they took leave that day.

P.S: After I typed "2 parties" in this post, I started to wonder if the way I used "party" itself is as archaic as the other meaning of "issue".