Jodhaa Akbar -

This movie is probably one of the worst I've seen in my life. The only reason why it is not THE WORST is simply because of Aishwarya Rai; if she were not there in the movie, there would be no second thoughts in my mind about this being THE WORST movie in the history of cinema.

I didn't want to see the movie, but I was given 4 free tickets by Tanishq, when my mother bought some stuff there this morning.

I am sure you have read enough reviews of this movie and have also read many an article about the protests about the purported misrepresentation of few historical facts.

So, I wont go into the details of where the movie was bad or where it was worse. I would probably have to create a whole blog site just for that. To help you read a crisper rant, I will give out the points that irked me:

1. The movie was bloody long; really LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG
2. It was not a historical since there were abundant twists to facts - the very fact that there is a confusion about whether Akbar indeed married someone called Jodhaa is proof enough
3. To the best of my knowledge, there was nothing romantic in the movie
4. At many times, Akbar's character started resembling King Ashoka after the Kalinga war
5. Lot of half-baked characters
6. Tell me one King or one wannabe King wanting to fight it out in hand-to-hand combat to decide who becomes the ruler
7. How was the King's surrogate mother allowed to take part in the activities in the King's court?
8. The forts and palaces of the Rajputs might be in dilapidated conditions today. But when the Kings were indeed ruling, wouldn't they have been fresher?
9. I really doubt if Tanishq did sponsor the jewellery in the movie. Most of the things that they were wearing are sold by the gypsies in 2nd Avenue Besant Nagar.
10. I think the movie was made with the first rule that it would run for more than 3.5 hours. They then decided the plot and I cannot think of any other reason why the movie was so SLOW
11. In spite of advancement of technology, they have featured actual people and animals in the war scenes. Even the toddlers in the arena (and there were quite a few obnoxious ones in the movie hall) knew that it was staged!
12. Rajputs are not that cowardly or idiotic
13. Akbar had an assassination attempt with a poison tipped arrow. The soldiers catch the assassin who then swallows a poison pill (reminds you of the Tamil group infamous for this) and dies in 2 seconds. But that idiot does not use the same poison in the arrow with which he shot Akbar.
14. The reason for Akbar to agree to the wedding proposal with Jodhaa wasn't really convincing.
15. Ultimately, this was a business decision by a King who wanted to conquer territory. When you put a teenaged warrior King and a gorgeous princess in the same house as husband and wife, things are bound to happen sooner than later. And this is typically the case in any average Indian household. So what the hell was so special in this case? Jodhaa kept saying that he has to win her heart to be able to even touch her. Apart from defeating her in a sword fight, I didn't see him do anything to woo her. No roses. No cards. No stuffed toys. Nothing! He probably won her heart by nearly dying. Which seems to be the most popular technique used by boys till date, to get a girl's attention.
16. I somehow find it difficult to accept that a boy King, who has grown under the influence of a blood hungry commander, would be peace loving when he becomes 19 - if I followed the plot correctly, Akbar is introduced as a 13 year old during the battle of Panipat and the narrator said that after 6 years he was on a campaign to conquer the Rajputs. This is where he asks his commander to go off to Mecca!
17. I think chariots were out of fashion in the Moghul time period
18. The ability to instantly form groups of synchronised dancers existed even in that period! The King announced the abolishing of "Yatra tax" for the Hindus and immediately there was a big song and dance routine!
19. If Akbar was indeed such a kind, loving, generous and romantic person, then why is he also known to have caused trouble to the love affair of his son with a courtesan? Was that because she was not a princess and did not help in annexing any territory?
20. I know Hrithik has 6 fingers, but did Akbar have them too?

I think this is enough for now. If I remember anything more, I will add it to the comments section.

The only good thing about the whole movie was that I didn't pay for the tickets!